Going around in circles?

There are times when I feel I am going around in circles.  I start one thing, then remember I have all these other things to do, and so then begin on them and look around me to realise I'm achieving absolutely nothing.  I realise that this is being caused by the sheer size of the task at hand.  And I'm not a naturally 'organised' person, who is regimented and methodical.  I often feel envious at those with that ability.  In the past, I've had people who guided me gently, redirecting me when necessary, giving suggestions as to what to tackle and in which order.  I try to think what they would suggest, and in what order, and take a deep breath and try to tackle it again.

I've spent parts of this weekend trying to get ruthless, going through things, and making a start.  I went and collected more packing boxes.  Sigh.. more boxes.  I remember announcing with delight when I'd unpacked each box when we moved in here.  I also had a meeting with someone who's going to prepare the papers that I need to get lodged, and they will hopefully be ready for lodging this week.  That will be a huge weight off.  And the nice removalist man has come and looked, and is getting a quote ready.  I still have to find a house.  We were offered one, but it was too soon, and too small.  There was a perfect one, that we'd have loved, but we narrowly missed out on it.  I'd like to avoid another little dog box.  This has been a safe and warm house (stinking hot in summer alas, I always vowed we would only endure 1 summer in it and those who know me know that once I've set my heart on something it's rare that I deviate from it), but it's got many downsides. 

Yesterday I went to a little memorial/wake for my friend Annalie Wada.  Her death was so sad.  She was an amazing person.  Losing special friends, I'm finding out, is really hard (not that they have to die for this to happen, it would appear).  Annalie and I had been friends in high school and firm friends in college.  I was always desperately shy.  At the end of college we decided, in a fit of excitement, that we were going to buy tickets for the Dire Straits "Brothers in Arms" Tour concert in Sydney and go together.  I'd never done anything like this in my life.  Back in 1986 coming up with $80 was a big deal!  She got me a job at the Canberra Show, working on one of those god awful clown stalls.  Those who know me will realise what a step right out of my comfort zone this was, because I'm not good at putting myself right out there in an unknown situation.  For me it is like walking into a pub on my own, which I hate, even if I am meeting  someone.  I wasn't able to shout out and try to entice people to play the clowns and the mean and ruthless and German stall holder wanted to sack me.

Annalie encouraged me, told me I could do it, and we ran down to her little tent together, and convinced her to let me stay on.  And I earned my $100 and bought my ticket.  "Money for Nothing" remains one of my favourite songs, as does "Brothers in Arms" and "Private Investigations".  Music can create it's own memories and I have a number of memories for these songs.  Annalie found me, a number of years later, on Facebook, and would unfailingly comment, or send me an encouraging little message.  Reading about her diving accident gone wrong off the coast of Durban is still hard for me, because she used to talk to me about how much she loved her scuba diving.  And what makes me especially sad is that, the month leading up to her death was also the period when I felt I had to suddenly disconnect from Facebook. So I feel now like I didn't talk to her properly at all in the period before her sudden death because coming back onto Facebook was also a little half hearted for me at the time.  Typically, when I did rejoin on 12 September, she was straight there with a little comment welcoming me back "Annelie Wada hey Bron! welcome back! I have been wondering how your move is going!" This was typical of her!!

I remain desperately concerned at the fate staring the Famous Brother in the face.  He has laminitis, and I know his prognosis is nothing other than grim.  I hate expecting the worst.  But there are times when you have to.  I'm a great one for wanting to put my fingers in my ears "la la la la la I'm not listening" when it comes to hearing things I don't' want to hear, and I know that I spend too much time hoping for the best, and this can be foolish. I fear for the life of this beautiful colt, who feels close to my heart, just as his entire family is.  I met him for the first time on 19 April 2012.  It's true to say that this trip meant a great deal to me.  I met him again and spent some time with him while Rick played golf when I returned in September to photograph Nelly, and I stayed overnight at the farm that night.  He later sold for a record $5m at the 2013 Inglis Easter Yearling Sale, and I photograph his great sire Redoute's Choice regularly for John Messara.  I have now photographed his dam Helsinge a number of times with all of her subsequent progeny.  And of course my connection with his famous sister, the great Famous Pony Black Caviar, is well documented.  

He's unnamed, and somehow, that doesn't feel right, and to be truthful, I've never really warmed to his nickname "Jimmy".  There's no reason to feel this way, but I hate the thought of him ending this world as an unnamed colt.  It makes me feel sad at what's happening to him, and to others around him. It's a hard thing when matters of the heart don't fall the way you hope they will.

The kids want suddenly to go ice skating.  That's nice.  We haven't been for months.  We were getting right into it for a while.  So we're now getting ready to go.  I'm behind with images and bookwork, and feel cross at myself when I know that I've paddled because I've lost and paddle thingy and started going in circles again.  But some time out of the house will do us all good.

Postscript:  Ice skating is fun. It's probably the exact weekend that I first brought the kids last year. I didn't skate that time but it was fun. We started skating properly in May but then the kids' interest dropped off. Perhaps mine did a bit too. I got Heath a pair of skates though and he suddenly got keen. It makes me smile to watch my often tentative son do so much better. He doesn't have the natural confidence that his little sister has. Perhaps he's much like me in that respect, but when he gets something he really grasps it. He's looking much more stable and is enjoying it. I skated pretty ok and am getting able to glide on one foot independent of the other again. I still forget to breathe but that's just me!!

The skating session is over, but there is no way we can leave before the rink has had the grader machine run over it. Heath loves watching it. Jessica couldn't care less about the machine and instead races it up and diwn much like a puppy would do. Heath stands firm and watches the machine!  He's never been any different. I'm sure he'd give his right arm to be given a turn!!