BRONWEN HEALY PHOTOGRAPHY

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24 January 2013

On writing

I went to the beach this morning with the Famous Pony Black Caviar. I hadn't gotten to bed until 1am  the night before, and had failed utterly to sleep, having what can only be described as a disturbing night's sleep.  My alarm went off at 4.15am. It was almost a relief that it woke me from v nasty dreams. I got lost a couple of times on the way there. And then proceeded to get Hopelessly hopelessly lost on the way home,.  My tiredness, along with the past 7 days, have made me anxious, so I got confused, then disoriented, then just really really lost. It's a mark of how lost you are when you have to creep along to watch which direction your blue dot is driving to work out you are actually driving AWAY from your intended route.  I was  panicked and disoriented in the end and rescued a bit by calling in for a cup of tea with an old photographer mate.

Getting so lost made no sense. I've done the drive before but this time it fell into the category where my internal compass can't cope with different starting and ending points.  This is where my habit driving of big loops and going the long way probably started.   OK.  To be completely honest, I actually posses NO internal compass.  I get my lefts and rights thoroughly mixed up all the time.  I have to turn my maps upside down and back the front, and on the return trip I get mixed up doing it all in reverse.  I frequently have to think hard about which way I came into an exit and which direction to set off in, and have trouble working out the relationships between the directions of key streets when I am actually driving.  My memory of ways to go is what gets me through, and that is affected by things like perhaps doing a route 2-3 times a year, starting and endings points being varied, and definitely tiredness, distraction and anxiety.

Ironically I'd been encouraged to begin writing my Blog again very recently by someone who was  my trusted friend. Suddenly this is no longer the case.  This is not an easy process.  At times it is brutal.  And frequently it's just plain vicious.  And while it says volumes for real characters showing through, what is hardest is reconciling what is happening against the person I thought I knew.

The sentiments and advice regarding the writing of this Blog, and my need to keep it more up to date, were definitely valid though.  So I am going to keep in the habit of keeping the Blog more up to date because there are those out there who enjoy it.

I've not had time to upload the photos from the beach today. I ran out of steam and my sister who I'm with at the moment gently suggested I should stop and sit down.  Beach photos will get done tomorrow.  They are truly pretty.

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