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28 January 2013

On being home

I'm sitting back at home in my lounge room in Canberra, after returning home from a week in Melbourne.  My kids came home last night, and it was wonderful to see them.  They are still asleep, and I have to use these opportunities while I can, because they have been starved of using a computer for over 2 weeks, and are asking at every chance "when can I have a turn on the computer?"  My kitten Maxie is glued to my lap and slept with me last night.  He's had lots of his crazy kitteh modes though since we came home and the water spray bottle had to be used a lot.

Black Caviar at Sunrise.  Thursday 24 January 2013.
I still feel acutely dislocated as I adjust to the loss of a person who was my best and trusted friend. I shared everything with this person, they got all my news before anybody else did, and their voice at the other end of the phone was always such a nice surprise.

There is an expectation that we will be friends again down the track, but I wonder, particularly when I am at a low ebb, and it feels particularly painful, whether some hurts just go too deep?  Is it possible?  Can you be friends when one of you decides that they feel better again? Worse, how can any friendship, let alone such a close one, ever recover from one of you being completely excluded and isolated during an event such as that which is going on now?  A phone call, or something, may have saved it, but left like this it is hemorrhaging.  There comes a time when you simply must ask yourself, in a relationship/friendship, how do you tell when enough is enough???  I  unfortunately accepted for too long not rating anywhere near where I deserved relative to certain others.  I never envisaged this.  It is, indeed, brutal, and I don't know what to think or what to feel anymore. 

On a brighter note I did finally receive, while I was away, a very important book project began working on, and waiting to receive, since before Christmas.  It was supposed to be a special Christmas present for a very important person.  I'd spent long hours on the book at the very start of December, in an effort to get it delivered before Christmas.  Then, in a mean twist of fate, the book (according to the shipping details of the consignment number anyway!) did actually arrive 2 days before Christmas and delivery was attempted.  However delivery was done, only to a wrong address.  The recipients must have thought "what a great present" and kept it for themselves.  We certainly never received it! The replacement book finally arrived while I was away and I love the quality!  And it truly does lay flat!!!!

The other bit of good news from today is that my children will be able to come to Melbourne to see the Famous Pony Black Caviar race at Flemington in the G1 Lightning Stakes on February 16.  That's an exciting thing for us all.  Now I just have to grapple with the issue of airfares.  It would have been better to have been able to make the decision weeks ago, but we will make the best of the situation  as it stands.

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