Remembering Debbie

As 2010 draws to its inevitable close, I wanted to take a moment to remember Debbie.  She was a friend, albeit not one I knew really really well.  But a friend nonetheless, whom I knew from my past life at CSIRO.   She's pictured here at my daughter's 5th birthday party.  Shortly after this, she came over again in June, bringing her little daughter over, and we sat in my lounge room chatting and making plans to catch up again, as the girls wanted to spend time together.  I didn't ever hear from her again.

This is why.  In early July, she was murdered by her then estranged husband, evidently an abusive pig of a man, who she'd finally managed to leave.  He then committed suicide by shooting himself.  It was all very planned and she would have been terrified.  It was no heat of the moment thing, it was cold blooded, and deliberate, and the terror she must have gone through is awful to think about.  I know what happened, and it affected me for a long time. 

Apart from the very violent nature of her death, and the personal connection, it was the shock of having someone you knew being murdered.  One of the funny things of living in a city like Canberra is that while it's getting larger and is the capital, it's still essentially a big country town.  It's not enormous.  You tend to be a bit more lax over security (no Dan, I wasn't trying to get someone to steal you when I left the keys IN your door ALL day AND night, I do love you!!!), and in particular it's not terribly common for people to be killed here.  And so when it happens it is a shock, and when it is someone you actually knew, it is a double shock.  In a strange irony, it turned out that she was the third former female CSIRO employee to be murdered after leaving CSIRO.   I also knew one of the other women quite well too and they have never found her murderer, after she was found strangled in the bath.

In the months following her death, the hardest thing was to continue to see her now orphaned daughter, who remained Jessie's friend at daycare, and the harrowing talks with the child's grandmother.  Goodness me, what a woman she is.  So strong.  And so determined.  I have never had the heart to tell Jessica what happened to the little girl's mother and so far I don't think she actually knows.  Some things are best left unsaid.  The murder got very little publicity, apart from the original reporting of the discovery of two deceased people and then the subsequent releasing of names.  This was a blessing for the family, but did little for the issue of protecting people who seek to remove themselves from harm. 

I have no idea whether the two kids will ever see each other again, now that the daycare part of their lives is over and they move on to school.  But again, I just wanted to remember a friend, who's not here for Christmas.

Remembering Debbie (long hair)